Check Out the Reviews of the Ryugyong Hotel in North Korea

Want a good laugh? My friend Noah encouraged to me to read the Google reviews of the Ryugyong Hotel in Pyongyang.

I’ve stayed in Four Seasons before. And Ritz Carltons, too. But nothing can beat the reviews of this property. I wonder if they have a loyalty program? Oh wait, they do!

I’ve been to a lot of great hotels, such as [redacted], [redacted], and even [redacted] but this one really takes the (colorless, odorless, flavorless) cake! First off, their Rewards Program is second-to-none! Earning a free night’s stay is SO easy! Take my current trip, for example: I only intended to stay here overnight on business (I work in VCR / land mine sales — Pyongyang is a BIG market for me) but the good folks here at Ryugyong Hotel have generously extended my stay an additional two years without my even asking! This trip has no end in sight! And let me tell you about their fitness center! It’s great for people who love walk. It’s about 105 stories tall and completely hollow. You could walk for days-on-end (as I am currently doing) without encountering another living soul! Thanks to this and the nutrition program their “trainer” has me on, I’ve already dropped 65 lbs.! Working out is quickly catching up to my current favorite activity, which is listening to my bowel movements hit the pavement after a 105-story fall! Who needs plumbing?! Are you a photophile? You’ll love the never-changing view from the top floors that is conveniently unobstructed by windows! Just watch out for that breeze, lest you be blown down one of Ryugyong’s cutting edge “zig-zagged” elevator shafts! Honestly, I can’t say a bad thing about Ryugyong Hotel! No, really — I can’t! (Please tell my family I miss them!)

…and how about this one?

I loved every second of it! It was the best hotel in the entirirty of my life! It was so great, in fact I have chosen by my own free will to stay here forever. Because the Juche Idea is the best idea in the world, forget capitalism and the west, The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea is the best country in the entire world. My coordinates are 39.0194° N, 125.7381° E

…actually, it might be this one that convinces me to want to stay here:

Best time ever. I loved everything especially the friendly people. i am coming back next year. IT WAS SO FUN! i got to use the indoor pool by signing a waiver saying “possible interment camp sign-up.” i loved all the food. especially the cheeseburger, did you know Kim-Jun Un invented it. I also enjoyed seeing that everyone in North Korea won every Olympic event they entered. I’m for sure coming back!!!!!

…or maybe it’s this one:

I loved my stay at the hotel in the capital of Pyongyang. its show the true embodyment of the love Kim Jung Un has for his people and guests. Altogether great stay.

A little humor for a Monday morning can never come soon enough. 🙂

By the way, feel free to read all of the “reviews” here.